The Day I Handed My Resignation, cc: Self (only)

It’s the day that my heart and soul felt free for the longest of months.

Cliché has it that when you love your job, every minute won’t feel like you’re working your asses off to its full extent. In fact, everything seems so lovable you can’t detach your self off from your workloads — and it won’t even feel you’re loaded for that matter.

But when you’re one with the many whose mantra is to work hard for the sake of salary and being able to indulge yourself from the luxury of your earnings from time to time – you’re doomed. You can get promoted, you may be ahead with your profession, but you will be stuck in life. You will, willingly – unconsciously, deprive yourself of the growth it truly needs.

Sometimes in life, we take onto accounts of comfort and convenience mainly because, the opportunity is being handed to us on a silver platter the easiest way possible. All you have to do is to shove it onto your mouth, busy yourself with it, and see for your own good where it will take you – either satisfy or let you crave for anything else but mundane.

Once you settle yourself for something ordinary, for something of your zone and comfort, for something that doesn’t challenge you nor let you grow, for something that hinders your heart to float openly on the air – you lose an inch of yourself every passing day.

Yes, you have a stable job. Yes, you need not to worry about where in the hands of good God can you get a money for your necessities. Yes, it’s easier to find hard moments with your job than not to have a job at all. But no, it ain’t healthy for your self. For your heart. For your soul. You have to find a career that can fill both your stomach, heart and soul.

The day that I’ve realized that I don’t belong in the corporate world is today. I’m here, stuck in an air-conditioned room (which is an A+) with a  job that offers experience way beyond what you can expect with your first jobs. Professionally speaking, it’s one big catch – considering the nature of the company, the environment, the people, the salary. But I simply don’t belong here. I don’t fit for the job.

My heart yearns for something out there. For words. For arts. For films. For something that will let me express whatever it is I have here inside of me. For something that will let me fly high no matter how uncertain my direction will be.

I don’t know if this is just a phase. An angst or rebellious moment over the stress and anxieties I’ve been through over the process of forcing myself to be fit for the job. But I can’t wait for the day where I can finally break free from the chains of being a corporate slave. I can’t wait to be where I truly belong.

The day that I have admitted defeat over this matter would be today. Then again, the real question would be: when will I truly leave this job? There’s so much things to consider, so many bills to pay. As for now, risking for that genuine happiness seem so out of reach. I needed first to grow, to take in as much as experience life will throw at me, to endure the stress and unhappy moments of this job, to save for the future, and to be more firm with whichever path I would lovingly take in the sometime in my life.

Only then will I fully submit this resignation from the corporate world.

 

Pull da strings to stop

Hindi nila sinabi, pero ang pag-ibig ay isang joy ride –

Sa una masaya. Exciting pa. Todo bigay, walang preno.

And’yan ang thrill.

‘Yung excitement sa mga tanong na:

Saan ba tutungo?

Kami ba hanggang dulo?

Forever na ba ‘to?

Sana oo.

Pero kahit di sigurado, basta kasama kita.

Basta mayroong tayo.

Hindi nila sinabi, pero ang pag-ibig pala nakakatakot kung dumidilim na –

Hindi mo na makapa. Wala ka nang mapa.

Saan ba dapat dumaan?

Mga away pa ba ay malalampasan?

Hanggang kelan?

Hanggang saan?

Hindi mo na alam kung saan ang labasan.

Hindi mo na alam kung makalalabas ka pa.

Pero kahit di sigurado, basta kasama kita.

Basta dalawa tayo.

 Hindi nila sinabi, pero ang pag-ibig pala pwedeng mawala.

Empty tank na. Tumitirik sa kawalan.

Na-pa-flat-an hanggang sa wala nang maipaglaban.

Pero kung kaya pa,

Kung mayroon pa –

Hanggang sa masimot ang kaibuturan mo.

Ibibigay mo.

Itataya mo.

Maipagpatuloy lang ang nasimulang kuwento.

Maiwala mo man kahit na sarili mo.

Pero kahit di sigurado, basta kasama kita.

Basta buo tayo.

 Hindi nila sinabi pero ang pag-ibig pala nakakapagod.

‘Yung uri ng pagod na nanunuot hanggang kaluluwa.

Magtatanong ka na,

Mahalaga pa ba?

Kaya ko pa ba talaga?

And’yan ka pa ba?

O bumaba ka na nang di ko namamalayan

At ako na lamang pala mag-isa?

Kaya pa bang punan?

Mga kakulangan na kahit pagtakpan ng pagmamahal.

Ng pag-aalala, pagkalinga, pagkatanga –

Wala na. Dead end na talaga.

Pero kahit di sigurado, susugal ako sayo.

Susugal pa rin ako sayo.

Dahil kahit di sigurado, basta kasama kita.

Basta lumalaban tayo.

 

Hindi nila sinabi pero ang pag-ibig pala puwedeng matapos.

Sa isang maling galaw ng maniobra.

Sa biglaang pagsaling sa kambyo.

Sa di biglaang pag-preno.

Sa di paghinto.

Hindi mo namalayan.

Kayo na ay nagkakasakitan.

Hanggang sa wala nang natira.

Hanggang sa napagod nang talaga.

At ang isa ay bumitaw na.

At kahit subukan mang habulin,

Subukan mang pigilan ang takbo na kay tulin.

Huli na.

Ayaw na niya.

Hinila na ang pisi,

pull da string,  

stop na.

Hindi na sigurado.

Hindi na alam kung kaya pa bang ipaglaban ang “tayo”.

“My mother used to tell me not to destroy things especially when they are beautiful – such as flowers aligned outside our home, that pure China vase displayed on the antique cabinet and that cardigan she knitted for my seventh birthday. So now i am asking why the heck am i destryoing myself?”

Welcome to the Real World, Self!

They say you can’t grasp the reality of the world not until you’ve become part of it. Not until you’ve landed yourself a decent job – which hopefully is related to the course you’ve taken up in college, not until you get to pay and buy things yourself. Not until you lose yourself in the series of OT’s, and not until you get lost within the heart of the corporate arena.

Three months – or maybe almost – after graduation, after posting long messages of farewell, goodbyes and well wishes; after cradling myself in the most needed breaks of my life; after almost getting into numbers of job interviews, of which have not been successful either because it’s not for me or I don’t really fit into it; after almost giving up with the thought that I’m meant to end up nothing but a bum for the rest of my life, I finally got a job.

Last July, I got accepted as a Corporate Communications Associate at Cherry Mobile. Well, if you’d ask me if this was my dream job, I won’t be able to hand you in a decent answer because now 1) as long as I’m earning, every job is a dream come true; and 2) I’m quite happy with it – with all the perks, stress and learnings it has given me.

I won’t go into details about my job because basically I do a lot (believe me when I say a lot) of things considering that I’ve got two superiors. Anddddd, they basically have this big difference in personality which got me torn in between because they both work in different process and I feel like I’m being pulled in both ways. I was really having a hard time during my first weeks, because I have no idea of how things do work in the corporate world.

This is me in between idle and work moments. Kayod pa ‘te! Onti pa 😀

But thanks to the light ambiance of the office – despite the demanding and overflowing workloads; to my bosses who may have different personalities but are so amazing and generous in their own ways; and to my two ate’s who made my everyday stay at the office a lot tolerable and easier to manage.

To be honest, the reality that I am now an adult and I’m already working for my future hasn’t sunk into me yet. I feel like I am just an intern at the company, well everyone may have thought that because they say I look young for the job (and believe me, it’s not a compliment). But nonetheless, it still prides me knowing that I get to at least hand a little amount of money to my parents and I get to buy things using the fruit of my hard works.

For now, I’ll just enjoy things and let fate work in accord with its favor. I’ll just have to work on how I would grow and be mature enough to help myself stay afloat amidst all these.

And hopefully I can.

 

 

Of Chances and Challenges

I would like to start this blogpost with honesty. Months before my second internship, I was asking myself on why I wasn’t accepted to those companies that I have applied to; but things are quite getting clearer now. God has a purpose; I was to learn all these, I have to know Him more.

As a youth who’s so engulfed with the millennial world, I must admit that my belief and faith in Him wasn’t that firm and strong. I barely read the Bible. It must be shameful to confess but I was one of those people who think God is a genie and that he will immediately grant whatever it is that I asked for, and get mad or disappointed if He hasn’t answered yet my prayer. I still can’t find the grasp to heed onto that calling in my heart not until I have learned all those things that FEBC has taught me. 

Continue reading “Of Chances and Challenges”

Thesis it!

 

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Sweetest of smiles. Finally! 💖

Nothing worth having comes easy. Our hard-earned thesis can attest to that and finally, after almost two years of writing and polishing our study, it’s now ready for distribution.

You see, this thesis study is not just a simple requisite to accomplish before graduation but is a ticket and a pass to more opportunities that might come along the way.  Our paper has been accepted at a Mass Communications conference in Singapore and yas! we definitely need to go there! Time to reap what we have sow.

We have learned so much from it, not just with technicalities and such but with the process of learning and developing our abilities per se. And aside from that, it also has paved way for a more steady and firmer bond and friendship among us three and that’s the sweetest fruit from all of these hardships and tears.

I don’t know how to explain this feeling BUT YAS THESIS IT!!!

Really can’t get enough of our baby hihi

So to those who are currently facing glitches, problems and difficulties on their thesis study, don’t give up. Just do take a rest, step back and breathe in for a while. Remember that all this would be worth it in the end. And don’t hesitate to pass your papers into international conferences because it could give you a sense of pride and honour. It’s a good compensation, I must say. Love your thesis, and it will definitely love you back.

If any of you wants to extend their hand for sponsorship or donation so we could attend the conference in Singapore, please contact us at elayyndelacruz74@gmail.com or comment down below. Any amount, words of encouragement or pieces of advice will be highly appreciated! 💖✨

Reasons Why Alan Rickman was the Perfect Professor Snape

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Potterhead or not, I think Harry Potter has paved its way through the billion hearts of its readers and viewers from all over the world even up to this day. Not to mention the remarkable “lightning” icon the movie and book has left, the casts and characters have really carved their marks on the skies-the-limit influence among their audience. All of them have really transfigured themselves to personify the magnificent characters J.K Rowling has created. Especially, Alan Rickman.

Continue reading “Reasons Why Alan Rickman was the Perfect Professor Snape”