The Day I Handed My Resignation, cc: Self (only)

It’s the day that my heart and soul felt free for the longest of months.

Cliché has it that when you love your job, every minute won’t feel like you’re working your asses off to its full extent. In fact, everything seems so lovable you can’t detach your self off from your workloads — and it won’t even feel you’re loaded for that matter.

But when you’re one with the many whose mantra is to work hard for the sake of salary and being able to indulge yourself from the luxury of your earnings from time to time – you’re doomed. You can get promoted, you may be ahead with your profession, but you will be stuck in life. You will, willingly – unconsciously, deprive yourself of the growth it truly needs.

Sometimes in life, we take onto accounts of comfort and convenience mainly because, the opportunity is being handed to us on a silver platter the easiest way possible. All you have to do is to shove it onto your mouth, busy yourself with it, and see for your own good where it will take you – either satisfy or let you crave for anything else but mundane.

Once you settle yourself for something ordinary, for something of your zone and comfort, for something that doesn’t challenge you nor let you grow, for something that hinders your heart to float openly on the air – you lose an inch of yourself every passing day.

Yes, you have a stable job. Yes, you need not to worry about where in the hands of good God can you get a money for your necessities. Yes, it’s easier to find hard moments with your job than not to have a job at all. But no, it ain’t healthy for your self. For your heart. For your soul. You have to find a career that can fill both your stomach, heart and soul.

The day that I’ve realized that I don’t belong in the corporate world is today. I’m here, stuck in an air-conditioned room (which is an A+) with a  job that offers experience way beyond what you can expect with your first jobs. Professionally speaking, it’s one big catch – considering the nature of the company, the environment, the people, the salary. But I simply don’t belong here. I don’t fit for the job.

My heart yearns for something out there. For words. For arts. For films. For something that will let me express whatever it is I have here inside of me. For something that will let me fly high no matter how uncertain my direction will be.

I don’t know if this is just a phase. An angst or rebellious moment over the stress and anxieties I’ve been through over the process of forcing myself to be fit for the job. But I can’t wait for the day where I can finally break free from the chains of being a corporate slave. I can’t wait to be where I truly belong.

The day that I have admitted defeat over this matter would be today. Then again, the real question would be: when will I truly leave this job? There’s so much things to consider, so many bills to pay. As for now, risking for that genuine happiness seem so out of reach. I needed first to grow, to take in as much as experience life will throw at me, to endure the stress and unhappy moments of this job, to save for the future, and to be more firm with whichever path I would lovingly take in the sometime in my life.

Only then will I fully submit this resignation from the corporate world.

 

Pull da strings to stop

Hindi nila sinabi, pero ang pag-ibig ay isang joy ride –

Sa una masaya. Exciting pa. Todo bigay, walang preno.

And’yan ang thrill.

‘Yung excitement sa mga tanong na:

Saan ba tutungo?

Kami ba hanggang dulo?

Forever na ba ‘to?

Sana oo.

Pero kahit di sigurado, basta kasama kita.

Basta mayroong tayo.

Hindi nila sinabi, pero ang pag-ibig pala nakakatakot kung dumidilim na –

Hindi mo na makapa. Wala ka nang mapa.

Saan ba dapat dumaan?

Mga away pa ba ay malalampasan?

Hanggang kelan?

Hanggang saan?

Hindi mo na alam kung saan ang labasan.

Hindi mo na alam kung makalalabas ka pa.

Pero kahit di sigurado, basta kasama kita.

Basta dalawa tayo.

 Hindi nila sinabi, pero ang pag-ibig pala pwedeng mawala.

Empty tank na. Tumitirik sa kawalan.

Na-pa-flat-an hanggang sa wala nang maipaglaban.

Pero kung kaya pa,

Kung mayroon pa –

Hanggang sa masimot ang kaibuturan mo.

Ibibigay mo.

Itataya mo.

Maipagpatuloy lang ang nasimulang kuwento.

Maiwala mo man kahit na sarili mo.

Pero kahit di sigurado, basta kasama kita.

Basta buo tayo.

 Hindi nila sinabi pero ang pag-ibig pala nakakapagod.

‘Yung uri ng pagod na nanunuot hanggang kaluluwa.

Magtatanong ka na,

Mahalaga pa ba?

Kaya ko pa ba talaga?

And’yan ka pa ba?

O bumaba ka na nang di ko namamalayan

At ako na lamang pala mag-isa?

Kaya pa bang punan?

Mga kakulangan na kahit pagtakpan ng pagmamahal.

Ng pag-aalala, pagkalinga, pagkatanga –

Wala na. Dead end na talaga.

Pero kahit di sigurado, susugal ako sayo.

Susugal pa rin ako sayo.

Dahil kahit di sigurado, basta kasama kita.

Basta lumalaban tayo.

 

Hindi nila sinabi pero ang pag-ibig pala puwedeng matapos.

Sa isang maling galaw ng maniobra.

Sa biglaang pagsaling sa kambyo.

Sa di biglaang pag-preno.

Sa di paghinto.

Hindi mo namalayan.

Kayo na ay nagkakasakitan.

Hanggang sa wala nang natira.

Hanggang sa napagod nang talaga.

At ang isa ay bumitaw na.

At kahit subukan mang habulin,

Subukan mang pigilan ang takbo na kay tulin.

Huli na.

Ayaw na niya.

Hinila na ang pisi,

pull da string,  

stop na.

Hindi na sigurado.

Hindi na alam kung kaya pa bang ipaglaban ang “tayo”.